Mastermind of Zero
by UNKOWN SOURCE
Summary: Louise summons Saito, probably one of the smartest financial engineers in his world and an EVIL GENIUS bent on world domination. Rewritten from a previous Fanfic of the same name. Slightly AU Saito. Uses Light Novels Cannon. Review and Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Summoning

Disclaimer: I do not own Zero No Tsukaima.

I'm using the Light Novels as my main source.

So, here's the first chapter of the rewrite.

I made several changes to Saito, but this Saito more resembles the canon Saito more than my previous incarnation of him.

The changes I made will be discussed at the end of this chapter.

This time, I will alternate between points of view. I won't write 'LOUISE'S POV' or 'SAITO'S POV' though. I'll just make it blatantly obvious whose point of view I'm writing in by some other storytelling means.

Review Please!

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><p>Today is the day.<p>

The day I will either prove myself to be a mage… or a failure.

Today is the time of the springtime familiar summoning ritual.

I have studied tirelessly for this day… memorized entire theoretical books. Yet, I still feel my chances of success are no better than zero.

No, I have to be confident.

I shall not fail. Not this time. I cannot fail. I try to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable failure. I mean for the inevitable summoning, not for failure. I will not fail. Not today.

"Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière," Mr. Colbert calls me.

I step forward into the clearing. I stutter for a while before regaining enough composure to begin my chant.

* * *

><p>"Yes! I am a freaking genius!" I shout. I have just earned 1.7 billion dollars in capital gains. How, you ask? Well, I invented a new financial tool called the Secured Government Dead Bond, which is a fancy term for huge loans doled out by private investors to governments. The difference between SGDBs and usual government bonds is that in SGDB deals, the government has to pledge several assets as collateral, and the bond has to be paid back with liquid money before the deadline or the assets pledged has to be given to the private investors, usually by a third party. SGDBs allow countries with horrible credit rating and already sky high taxation to borrow huge amounts of money from private investors by pledging several assets as collateral, while private investors remain relatively shielded from risks because the assets' ownership are temporarily given to a third party, which will be given to the private investors if the bond payment misses the deadline. I have devised an SGDB deal with the Soviet Union, loaning them 700 million dollars of liquid money for a meager 0.00001% interest, given that they pledge a total of 2.1 billion dollars in military assets as collateral. It is a very tempting deal indeed, as the interest rate is nearly nothing, much lower than even the usual government bonds loaned to triple-A rating countries. The Kremlin thinks that since they can pay easily. All they need to do is pay back the loan plus a mere seven thousand dollars in interest, which they can easily do by trading their stockpile of rubles for dollars with China. The Kremlin accepted the deal, and I simply waited until the three month deadline arrives. Unfortunately for the Kremlin (and fortunately for me), the currency market has chosen to devalue their currency relative to the dollar by nearly three-fold just a mere month before the deadline, something I predicted beforehand (communists have difficulty understanding how markets actually work). Having squandered all their dollar reserves for improving their navy, they were unable to pay back the bond without causing hyperinflation, so they defaulted and gave me 2.1 billion dollars worth of military equipment. Unlike money, capital doesn't devalue that easily, especially if said capital comes in the form of fourth generation military jets. That's right folks; I have successfully obtained 70 fully loaded Su-27s worth 2.1 billion dollars with only seven hundred million dollars of investment. I doubt today can get any better.<p>

"Saito, it is dinner time! We have you favorite today; Hamburger steak!" my mom shouts from downstairs. This day definitely just got better… at least four times better. I simply delight in my mom's cooking, and I'd gladly trade my 1.7 billion dollar earnings just to eat her cooking, especially if it's hamburger steak.

"Coming mom!" I shout back. I close my laptop and pack it into my laptop bag. Then, I run downstairs to the dining room. I see my stepdad trying to get the better plate of Hamburger steak. As if I'll let him do that!

"Not so fast!"I shout, tackling my stepdad before he reaches the dining table. I and my stepdad have a very friendly relationship. Funny story; I met my stepdad before my mom did. In fact, I was the one who introduced her to him. I was attending university as afterschool classes after High school ends, so you could say I was attending both High school and university at the same time. My natural talent for psychology (despite focus on finance) attracted the attention of my Psychology professor. We became friends a few days after my first day in university, and once I invited him to my home so that we can play counter-strike together. When he arrived at my house, however, instead of playing counter-strike with me he conversed with my mom… and in a few months they got married. My biological dad left me before I was even born. It's a good thing my mom is a certified genius.

"What the heck! I wasn't trying to take your plate or anything!" says my dad, lifting me up while getting up himself. Despite being sixteen years of age, I look as if I'm fourteen. My short height and lightness doesn't help, despite the fact that I eat more than anyone in my class. The second to fourth best eater combined in my class could barely match me in appetite. Yet, I am still painfully short. My mom says it's just stunted growth, but I will consider height enhancing medicine. I never pay any attention in biology class, so I don't really know what actually causes growth.

After a few minutes conversing with my dad, we finally sit down and start eating.

"itadakimasu," we say in unison, before eating our food while conversing about our daily activities.

"So Saito, how's school?" asks my Mom.

"Great, although I find it rather boring and unchallenging," I answer her. I inherited my genius from my mom, although she specializes in science and engineering instead of finance and economics. She knows how boring schools are for geniuses, having experienced the boredom herself. Despite knowing that, she insists I go to a normal high school, although I am permitted to enroll myself in a university as afterschool and weekend classes, provided I still do both my high school and university homework well. She insists that having and making friends my own age is good for me, and I sincerely agree with her since I really do enjoy the company of my friends. I used to be marginalized and bullied before my stepdad gave me tips on how to make friends. Now I have quite of a large circle of friends, whose company I value highly.

"How about university? Any problems?" asks my Stepdad.

"No. I completed all my theses and credits already. Now I'm just cruising through the rest of the semester," I answer him. My Stepdad smiles at me knowingly. He teaches me doctorate level psychology class in university, and his class was the first I completed. I know he is both proud to have me as his student and as his son.

"And your evil organization? Is it well managed?" my mom asks. Yes, my family knows I run an evil organization. Apparently, they accepted my evil tendencies quite well. My mom is particularly happy that I target the Soviet Union so many times for my schemes, having being a Soviet defector herself. Yes, I'm half Russian, half Japanese.

"A few problems, the most important one being I need more high quality financiers and accountants to expand my operations," I answer her.

"Seriously? Don't you already have accountants to keep track of your accountants who count your accountants?" She questions me, eyebrows raised.

"Yes, I know. Maybe I need to invest more time and money streamlining bureaucracy and flattening organization," I answer her in agreement.

"Is your science research department doing well," she asks me again. When I created my evil organization, my mom constantly nagged me to start up a science research department. I conceded just because she was annoying, although I quickly thanked her. Unlike the investments in physical capital and capital accumulation, which have diminishing returns, new and innovative ideas typically exhibit increasing returns, which is why research, not only in science but in finance and organization as well, is very important. In fact, only 10% of my organization's funds are invested in physical capital, 20% is used for maintenance (wages and benefits included), 30% for producing financial services for export and 30% for all kinds of research.

"It's doing well, Mom. In fact, they have just sent me a report you might find interesting," I answer her. She then politely asks for a copy, which I answer I can get to her tomorrow morning.

* * *

><p>Having played Team Fortress 2 five hours straight the night before, I woke up late, and in my rush to pack my things and go to school, I decided to give her the report later.<p>

Looking back, I shouldn't have procrastinated on giving her the report.

Primarily because I might not see her for a long time, because as of right now, I am being surrounded by a crowd of what looks like fantasy obsessed cosplaying roleplayers, although there are only mages and no knights or rouges.

"Who are you?" a peach haired girl asks me, in what I assume to be an old dialect of French. Being polite, I decide to answer in a soft spoken manner.

"Good afternoon, dear lady. My name is Hiraga Saito. May I ask your name?" I ask politely in modern French. I doubt the translation would work given the time gap, but I don't have any choice in the matter.

"What is that accent?" She asks me in a refined voice. So she does understand me, albeit with some difficulty. More complex thoughts and ideas might not be translatable, though.

"I'm not from these parts," I answer her. Honestly, I doubt whether or not I'm in earth at all.

"What do you mean commoner? Where do you come from?" she asks again, infuriated. Her inability to respond with politeness in kind greatly annoys me. Her refined voice apparently doesn't automatically make her polite.

"Louise, what were you thinking, calling a commoner with 'Summon Servant'?" asks a rude boy. Seriously, is everyone here condescending twats? What happened to being polite?

"I... I just made a little mistake!" the girl in front of me shouts in a bell-like voice.

"What mistake are you talking about? Nothing unusual happened," says another rude person.

"Of course! After all, she's Louise the Zero!" someone else says, and the crowd bursts into laughter again.

"Mr. Colbert!" the girl, whom I assume is Louise, shouts. As she calls to this 'Mr. Colbert, the crowd parts, revealing a middle aged man with a kind but absent minded demeanor.

"Please! Let me try the summoning one more time!" Louise begs in a hasty and panicky voice. I find her panic rather cute, and I probably wouldn't mind dating her if she were from my world, peach hair genetic impossibility notwithstanding.

While they're discussing stuff I probably would not care, I decide to delve into deep thought, trying to remember just what the heck happened to me.

Alright, today I woke up really late. With only half an hour to go to school, I took a quick shower, packed my bags, ate a quick breakfast and burst out of my house in a run. I'm not a great athlete, but given that I will be late to school if I don't run, I had no other choice but to run. While huffing out of breath, a pale blue portal suddenly opened up in front of me. I quickly ran an opportunity cost (1) analysis in my brain. If I go to school, I will simply learn stuff that I already understand and go through excruciating boredom in great patience. If explore the portal, I might get an absent or late mark in school, but I get to cut the excruciating boredom by a few hours, and as long as I took photos of what the portal leads to, I can easily convince my mom that such exploration was worth it. Unfortunately, these opportunity costs tend to not fully reveal themselves until the investment in already underway. In my case, I got trapped in a great nothingness after I went through the portal. Then I got teleported here in one heck of a concussive explosion.

Crap. If I don't return home soon my mom would ground me. Seriously, once I came home late because some hired guns tried to kill me with a squad of freaking attack choppers. I had to call in an airstrike from my military department and deploy two rapid response squads, as well as a favor from PEMPTO (2) to clean the mess up for me. When I got home and explained to my mom why I was late, as well as show the proof needed to prove that a squad of attack choppers indeed tried to kill me, I still got grounded for a week without games. I need to get home, fast!

"Hey," Louise addresses me, shaking me out of my reminiscing stupor.

"Pardon me?" I ask her, still being polite. It's a cultural thing, really. I grew up with politeness being the norm.

"You should count yourself lucky. Normally you'd go your whole life without a noble doing this to you," she suddenly declares to me.

"What?" I say.

* * *

><p>"What is it that you want from me, Miss Vallière?" Mr. Colbert asks me.<p>

"Please! Let me try the summoning one more time!" I beg to him. My pride usually forbids me from begging to anyone, but given the humiliation of having to have a commoner as a familiar, this is a very special exception.

"I cannot allow that, Miss Vallière." Mr. Colbert replies, shattering my hopes to do the summoning one more time and summon something actually useful.

"Why not?" I ask him, struggling to keep my voice from shaking.

"It is strictly forbidden. When you are promoted to a second year student, you must summon a familiar, which is what you just did." Mr. Colbert explains to me. I try to protest, but Mr. Colbert continues anyway.

"Your elemental specialty is decided by the familiar that you summon. It enables you to advance to the appropriate courses for that element. You cannot change the familiar once you have summoned it, because the Springtime Familiar Summoning is a sacred rite. Whether you like it or not, you have no choice but to take him."

"But... I've never heard of having a commoner as a familiar!" I say, still trying to convince Mr. Colbert.

Everyone around me laughs. I scowl at my classmates, but the laughter continues.

"This is a tradition, Miss Vallière. I cannot allow any exceptions; he," Mr. Colbert points at the commoner, "may be a commoner, but as long as he was summoned by you, he must be your familiar. Never in history has a human been summoned as a familiar, but the Springtime Familiar Summoning takes precedence over every rule. In other words, there is no other way around it: he must become your familiar." Mr. Colbert explains.

"You have got to be joking..." I sigh, exasperated. I involuntarily droop my shoulders in disappointment.

"Well then, continue with the ceremony."

"With _him_?" I exclaim. Sure, he doesn't look half bad as a commoner, but as a noble kissing him is completely below my status! And what kind of clothes is he wearing anyway?

"Yes, with him. Hurry, the next class will begin any minute. How much more time is this summoning going to take? After mistake upon mistake, you have finally managed to summon him. Hurry and form a contract." Mr. Colbert says to me patiently. Even after hours and hours of practice, my nervousness still managed to make me make mistakes during my chanting. My classmates start jeering in agreement.

I stare at this commoner's face, troubled.

"Hey," I address the commoner. I think his name is Saito, although being a noble I could care less about his name.

"Pardon me?" he replies.

"You should count yourself lucky. Normally you'd go your whole life without a noble doing this to you," I explain to him in contempt.

"What?" he croaks out surprised.

I close my eyes in resignation. Waving my wand to concentrate my magic, I start my chant.

"My name is Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière. Pentagon of the Five Elemental Powers; bless this humble being, and make him my familiar." I chant. I repeat the chant many times until I feel I have the right amount of willpower focused in my wand. Then, I touch his forehead with my wand and draw my lips closer. I have both social and emotional objections in doing such an act of intimacy with someone I barely know… a commoner no less! But I have no choice. This is my only shot to prove that I am indeed a mage and worthy of my noble status.

I kneel so that his eyes are parallel to mine. I lean forward to capture his lips. He leans back, attempting to escape my lips. Despite myself, I am seriously offended by his actions. Does he think I am not worthy enough for his servitude? I am a noble! More than what he can ever be! Okay, maybe I'm not that good in doing magic… no, banish that thought. My chest isn't exactly something to be proud of either… no, no, no, be confident, Louise.

"Just stay still," I command him, irritation in my voice.

"Pardon me, but I think this is hardly appropriate given that we have just met," he politely remarks.

I ignore him and continue leaning towards him. His face twists in panic.

"Ah, geez! I told you to stay still!" I irritatingly say. I grab his cheek with my left hand, securing his head in place and cutting of his retreat.

My lips touch his.

* * *

><p>Her lips touch mine.<p>

The experiential part of me screams 'Hell yeah! A cute girl kissed me! Me, the friendly nice guy at high school who no girl is ever interested in, kissed by a cute girl! Her chest is rather undeveloped, but who cares! Score one for the nice guy!' well, sure I plan to conquer the world… well, the one I came from anyway, via a monopoly of financial services, but despite my evilness I'm still nice and polite. Being evil, in my opinion, is no excuse for being uncivil.

The rational part of me is experiencing the biological version of blue screen of death right now. This part will give its input when it has completed its memory dumping and its post crash reboot.

Reboot completed. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!

Did this peach haired girl just kiss me? What the fuck? We just met, dammit! I'm not ready to sacrifice my first kiss! And she stole it! What the hell is this place?

I decide to listen to the conversation unfolding. I might get some useful information as to where the heck I am.

"You have failed 'Summon Servant' many times, but you have managed to succeed with 'Contract Servant' in one try," says Mr. Colbert happily.

"It's just because he's only a commoner," a student remarks.

"If he was a powerful magical beast, she wouldn't have been able to make a contract," another remarks.

Some of the students laugh.

Louise scowls at them. "Don't make fun of me! Even I do things right once in a while!"

"Truly 'once in a while', Louise the Zero," laughs a girl with blonde curly hair.

"Mr. Colbert! Montmorency the Flood just insulted me!" Louise complains.

"Who are you calling 'the Flood'? I'm Montmorency the Fragrance!"

"I heard that you used to wet the bed like a flood, didn't you? 'The Flood' suits you better!"

Her riposte impresses me. It's still rather crude, but quick witted and impressive nonetheless.

"I hadn't expected better manners from Louise the Zero." Montmorency replies. Her reply is rather hypocritical. After all, she was the one who started insulting her first.

My train of thought is interrupted when a peculiar burning sensation strikes my left hand and bombards my pain receivers with the sensation of having hot metal pressed upon my skin. I clutch my left hand attempting to minimize the pain. It did not work.

"Ouch!" I say rather loudly.

"It will be over soon; just wait. The Familiar's Runes are being inscribed," says Louise, irritation in her voice.

"Well, excuse me for experiencing searing pain! I'm sure YOU would be able to withstand roughly the same amount!" I sarcastically belittle her. Seriously, I don't usually turn impolite, but she's annoying enough to give me an exception.

I notice I just spoke in olden French. Interesting, so the runes automatically translate what I want to say. How convenient.

"How dare you address me like that, commoner!" she retorts. Commoner? Insolent whelp! Screw dating her, I don't think I could withstand her personality!

The runes finish its inscription and the searing pain subsides.

"These are very unusual runes," Mr. Colbert comments while observing my runes. Apparently, in a world where tattoos ingrain themselves onto people while defying the conservation of mass and energy, these runes are still unusual.

"Well, let's go back to class everyone," Mr. Colbert shouts. Everyone promptly levitates to class. Wait a second… what? Did they just levitate?

I immediately confirm my nagging suspicion that I am in a fantasy world.

"Louise, you'd better walk back!"

"She shouldn't try to fly. She can't even manage levitation."

"A commoner is perfect as your familiar!" the students jeer at Louise. Aaaah, so Louise is incompetent at magic, hence 'Louise the Zero'. But having summoned me, a certified genius, she certainly has some potential. Otherwise, the realization of having being summoned by a complete idiot would push me towards a critical existence failure. Let's hope she has potential.

"Who are you?" Louise asks me once again when everybody has left.

"Pardon me, but may I ask for clarification? Are you asking for my name or for details about me? Or is this question rhetorical?" I ask her back, reverting to my usual state of politeness when addressing someone not in my inner circle of acquaintances.

"I am asking for details about you, idiot. I already know your name, moron," she answers me angrily. I see she has a trigger temper.

"Firstly, my name is not 'moron', nor is it 'idiot'. It is Saito. Secondly, it is my opinion that details about me hardly matter at this time," I answer her.

"Where are you from, then?" she asks me.

"I honestly cannot answer that question unless you clarify where I am right now," I answer her, planning to get at least a meager grasp of the situation.

"I don't know from which backwoods you come from, but all right, I'll explain to you,"

She clears her throat and continues.

"This is Tristain! And this is the renowned Tristain Academy of Magic!"

"Academy of Magic?" I ask for clarification. She promptly ignores me at continues with her explanation.

"I'm a second year student, Louise de La Vallière. I am your master from now on. Remember that!"

"Sorry to interject, but did you summon me using 'magic'?" I ask. I need to clarify the universal primacy of the conservation of mass, if only to disprove my mom when I get back. I still hold a grudge for her because she called economics 'the dismal science'.

"Obviously. What else if not magic?"

"And they could fly just now because…"

"Magic, dimwit,"

I decide to ignore her insult. I might be on to something here.

"So, can this magic, say, create stuff out of thin air?" I ask. Oh please, reality, don't fail me!

"Obviously. It's magic!"

Magic freaking exists! Take that mom! And you said physics are the fundamental rules of the universe, calling economics the dismal science! Which science is dismal now, huh?

Sometimes my own childishness amuses me.

I decide to take a potshot at my 'master' Louise, just to show her that she can't control me without being relentlessly insulted by my wit.

"And you are called 'Louise the Zero' because you are… what is the phrase I'm looking for… impossibly incompetent at magic, I presume?"

I see Louise's cheeks turn red in rage while her mouth gapes open. I wait for her retort, and I received it.

In the form a flying knee to my diaphragm.

Apparently, she doesn't know magic but she knows a wee bit of Kung fu… or she's just that angry.

I take one last look at her face before slipping to unconsciousness.

Totally worth it.

* * *

><p>Notes:<p>

Changes to Saito' personality:

-Doesn't have the 'kill everyone' and 'dissect everyone' tendency I wrote before. I deem those too stereotypically evil.

-Is now very polite, to the point of being Affably Evil. In general, he's much nicer. In particular, he's much more childish.

-I'm going to try to make him into a magnificent bastard.

-Has a lot of Character Tics, which I will reveal in story.

-No longer has a tragic back story, aside from his biological father leaving him, but he's too young to remember.

Other notes:

(1) Opportunity Cost: From Investopedia: The cost of an alternative that must be forgone in order to pursue a certain action. Put another way, the benefits you could have received by taking an alternative action.

In simple words, if you have to make a decision either eating a cake or eating an ice cream but not both, if you choose to eat the cake the cost is that you necessarily discard the ice cream, and vice versa. This applies to all stuff you do: For example, by spending time writing this fan fiction I necessarily lose time to do something else, like study or play games. The cost of writing this fan fiction is therefore not only the investment of time and mental strength, but also the loss of time to study. I don't really care, though .

(2) PEMPTO: Pacific Economic-Military-Political Treaty Organization. Replaces NATO. Saito doesn't come from our world, mainly for my storytelling convenience.

Review Please!


	2. Chapter 2: No Cash No Connections

I do not own Zero no Tsukaima.

Slow chapter, but I'm really just setting things up first.

Review Please!

Constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged!

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><p>Chapter 2: No Cash. No Contacts. No Connections.<p>

"You're from another world?" she asks me, disbelieving, while nibbling a piece of bread she did not finish eating during dinner. I find her gesture of nibbling the loaf of bread while holding it with both hands rather astonishingly cute. It's really too bad that she has such an unlikable personality.

I decide to not answer her question and instead show her the awesomeness of modern technology. I grab my backpack, still sealed shut, and open up the zipper of its largest pocket. She seems to be surprised at how the zipper of my bag unzips itself.

"Wow… how does it do that?"

"Now do you believe I'm from another world?" I ask her, hoping to disclose this topic quickly so that I can move on to discuss more urgent things.

"Just because you have a weird bag? Of course not! I do want you to explain to me how the bag opens, though,"

I guess even a simple zipper is very advanced when you're in a backwater medieval world.

"Haaah. The bulk of a zipper consists of two strips of fabric tape, each affixed to one of the two pieces to be joined, carrying from tens to hundreds of specially shaped metal or plastic teeth. These teeth can be either individual or shaped from a continuous coil, and are also referred to as elements. The slider, operated by hand, moves along the rows of teeth. Inside the slider is a Y-shaped channel that meshes together or separates the opposing rows of teeth, depending on the direction of the slider's movement,"

"What? Explain slowly, idiot familiar,"

"Idiot? You're the one who's unable to understand!"

"Just explain!" she shouts.

At this point, I simply take out a piece of blank paper from my bag and draw a diagram. As I explain to her how a zipper works, she nods when she understands and bobs her head when she doesn't.

"Interesting… where did you get this?"

"From my world. You aren't going to be able to find something like this in this world, no matter how hard you try,"

"Idiot! Just because you have a weird bag and unique knowledge doesn't convince me that you're from another world!"

I take out my laptop and turn it on. The sound of windows booting greets me and Louise. Startled, Louise dashes over to my side and looks at the laptop's screen.

"What's that?" she asks.

"It's a computer. Specifically, it's a laptop,"

"So, how does it work? What element does it use? Wind magic?"

"I don't really know the details myself, but it uses electricity for power,"

"Amazing…" says Louise, eyeing my Laptop as if it's her new birthday present. I find her curiosity very endearing. "So, what does it do?"

"I'll show you if you believe that I really do come from another world," I try to bargain with her.

"I'm your master, and you're my familiar. When I ask you a question, you shall answer despite any objections you may have," she coolly explains.

"Fine. I'll just ignore you and play games in my laptop," I say to her. This actually means I have yielded to her demands, since by playing games in my laptop I'm partially showing what my laptop can do. But I can't just tell her that I yield to her demands. It will only give her a stronger imperative to control me. By saying what I just said, I frame my defeat as a victory.

I double click the Rainbow Six Vegas 2 icon and start playing the game.

* * *

><p>"You're really bad at this, Louise," he says to me.<p>

"Shut up!" I cry in frustration.

This isn't supposed to be so hard. The only thing I have to do is point the stupid cross at the enemy and click! Why is it so hard for me to do?

"Louise, there's an enemy at your left. Oops, too late, you're dead,"

"Familiar, I command you to be quiet!" I say while 'restarting' from the 'checkpoint'.

"Plan your attack before attacking. Use your flash bang when attacking a heavily defended position at close quarters to disorient enemy targets. Don't just rush onto enemy positions… never mind, you're dead,"

"So you can do any better, familiar?"

"I've finished this mission on hard difficulty. You have trouble just finishing it at easy. Yes, I can do better,"

"Here, show me! I will punish you severely if you are lying!"

"Give me that,"

I give him the weird mouse-shaped object, and get out of his way.

"Look, if you're trying to storm a building, deploy your teammates at one door and position yourself at another. This way, you can flank your opponents and prevent them from surrounding you," he lectures me while demonstrating it on the screen.

"Muuu…" I try to rebuke him.

"And if you're trying to take a heavily defended position, use a flash bang in close quarters and a smoke grenade in running distance. Key is, disorient the enemies first, and then attack," he continues his lecture, demonstrating both situations on the screen.

"Baaah! You just got lucky!" I say, trying to save some of my pride.

"Watch me win this mission in ten minutes," he replies politely but with a hint of pride.

"Yeah right," I reply, disbelieving.

"If I succeed, I will be your master for a single day, at any day I see fit, how's that?" he says, goading me to accept the bet.

"And if you don't, I will confiscate your meals for three days, how's that?" I offer back.

"Deal," he answers without hesitation.

I'm not so sure about this bet… but I can't back down now, not when I already made a counter offer.

"Deal," I answer him, my voice steadfast but rather shaky.

"Alright," he replies. "Start timing now,"

I take a look at the magic clock I have on the wall. There is no way he could finish the game in ten minutes. There's no way… right?

I don't want to serve him for a day! He's my familiar! He's the one who's supposed to serve me!

I should have thought things through before submitting my counteroffer.

* * *

><p>"Seven minutes… I think I win the bet," I say politely. No need to be smug and arrogant. I knew I was going to win the bet, I have done such feats before, being a very avid gamer myself. This isn't that much of an accomplishment for me, so my ego isn't inflated at all because of winning the bet.<p>

What does inflate my ego, however, is that this prideful shrew will now submit to any of my commands for a single day of my choosing, allowing me to completely humiliate her and destroy her pride at my (unfortunately limited) leisure. Ironically, it is her pride that forced her to agree to the bet, having made a counteroffer without thinking things through.

"Wow… that is amazing!" she says in mock admiration. Does she really think that complimenting me will make me forget about the bet?

"I know. That won't make me forget of the bet though, Louise,"

She smiles at me in mock agreement.

"Of course… a deal's a deal,"

I smile back at her in a sincere manner. No need to look malicious.

"Good to see you intend to hold to your end of the bargain, master,"

Her tiny hands clenches into fists. Despite noticing this, I decide to tease and mock her even more. I just can't help but make fun of her.

"You know, if you thought things through, this wouldn't have happened,"

She cracks her knuckles together.

"And if you could have just swallowed your pride, this wouldn't have happened either,"

She starts stretching her legs.

"Now, because of your pride, you would have to eventually endure much humiliation, resulting in a net loss in pride points. Hurray for master's pride points management!" I sarcastically cheer her on.

She launches a flying kick at my face. Anticipating this, I hold up my laptop to block her kick. My laptop is layered with carbon nanofibres, material stronger than diamond. Needless to say, her kick only hurt herself, and despite my usual polite demeanor, I break out laughing. I mean, who wouldn't find it hilarious? She tried to kick my face, and only ended up hurting her own foot. Her actions of clenching her hurting foot with both arms while hopping around only made it even more hilarious. Eventually, she settled down on the bed while holding her hurting leg with one hand.

"Now, what have we learnt here?" I ask her mockingly while approaching her, laptop in hand.

"Shut up," she says.

I ignore her meanness and sit beside her. Should I continue to taunt her? Hell yes I should!

"You know, despite being a noble, your actions-"

She cut me off from taunting her by grabbing my laptop with both hands and slamming my head with it.

I chastise myself for sitting beside her before beginning to taunt her. Seriously, what was I thinking? Instead mocking her from a safe range I decided to mock her on arms distance!

I slip to unconsciousness after chastising myself.

* * *

><p>I regain consciousness. Seriously, she's brutal. I should quickly tame her and complete this route.<p>

Damn it! I'm thinking as if my situation is comparable to a freaking dating sim! Earth to Saito! Get back to reality!

Well, her personality does match the classic Tsundere dating sim route. A mixture of kindness and competence should be able to soften her up…

Get back to reality damn it! I really shouldn't have played too much dating sims to alleviate my frustration of being unable to get a girlfriend. Seriously, get a grip Saito!

After successfully reformulating coherent thoughts, I try to formulate a plan of action. Taking out my Smartphone from my blue parka, I look at the time. Nine o'clock, still a lot of time until morning comes. I look at Louise's bed, and I see her already asleep. I get up and grab my backpack. It's a good thing I brought my self-recharging laptop with me.

I move my backpack to the corner of the room. Sitting with my back against the wall, I open up and turn on my laptop. I need to start planning about what the heck I am going to do.

Alright, I'm in an alternate dimension with no finances whatsoever. No cash. No contacts. No connections. No credit. I can easily get contacts and connections if I have the proper finances. As for credit… well, I doubt that they have already invented credit in this world. Louise explained to me about Halkeginian society, and it seems to have a similar economic system with medieval European mercantilism. What matters the most now is finances. If I have enough money to use to invest, I can easily double that amount of money in a week with my very advanced financial knowledge. Unfortunately, I don't have any money at all. I doubt any bank will lend me money.

The only way to get enough starting money is to steal some priceless artifact.

Which is a problem, since I have no experience in stealing priceless artifacts whatsoever. I started my evil organization by using the underground economy to help people cheat taxes and then charging a fee for it. In other words, I simply got paid loads of money by selling my tax evasion services. Even then I needed a huge starting money which my mom and stepdad lent me. Expanding my pool of capital is easy if I have a sufficiently large pool of capital in the first place.

But I don't have a large pool of capital.

And I have no stealing skills either. Hell, I ran my entire evil organization behind a desk with my laptop and Smartphone. I never did any fieldwork myself. I never even bothered learning how to use weapons other than a handgun.

I'm screwed.

I distinctly remember my mom trying to convince me to let her teach me survival skills, like self-defense, using different types of weapons, the fine art of pick pocketing and stealing and so forth. I turned down all of them because I thought such skills will not be needed, since I'm not planning to do any actual physical field work anyway. The only thing I conceded on was cooking, mostly because it would take the least amount of time and effort compared to the other skills she wants to teach me. And well, I don't see how the heck cooking can help be rake enough capital to start up an evil organization.

I should have listened to my mom when she said survival skills were essential.

I'm screwed. Worse, I'm screwed partly because of something I could actually control, not just because fate wants to screw me.

Damn.

I decide to relieve my stress by playing Modern Warfare 3. I really need to kill a few hundred virtual goons… or possibly a few thousand.

* * *

><p>Notes:<p>

-I got rid of a lot of Saito's abilities from the original fan fic. This includes his lock picking skills, his chemistry skills (knowing potent neurotoxins), his disguising skills, his ability to plan infiltrations, and so forth. In other words, I plan to make this Saito actually work to solve his problems, not just have abilities that can conveniently solve his problems for him.

-I don't own Rainbow Six Vegas 2 either, FYI. It belongs to Tom Clancy… or possibly Ubisoft. I'm not sure, I just down own it.

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	3. Chapter 3: Diplomatic Engagements

I do not own Zero no Tsukaima.

No action yet. Soon, though, the Fouquet arc is coming soon.

Review Please!

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: Diplomatic Engagements<p>

I wake up, the first rays of sunlight reaching my sleep-deprived game-addled eyes. It's still dawn, barely even the morning. I check my Smartphone and confirm this; it is still four in the morning. I immediately close my already sleeping laptop and position it near the window. After all, my laptop isn't a perpetual motion machine. It uses photoelectric, thermoelectric, acoustoelectric, piezoelectric and good old fashioned kinetic generators in order to generate power automatically and improve power usage efficiency. In other words, it converts light, heat, sound, strain, vibrations and movement to electricity. Even better, my laptop consumes much less power by eliminating the need of a cooling system and instead converting all the excess heat, sound and vibrations to electricity. This is why I need to position my laptop where it can be best charged, namely near the window because the position maximizes the exposure of the energy needed.

I decide to go back to sleep. I need to bring Louise some water to wash her face with and her clothes at eight, and an extra four hours of sleep should be useful. Using my backpack as pillow, I attempt to get back to sleep.

Wait, scratch that. I think it's better for me to prepare her clothes and her water then go to back to sleep. After all, I don't really want her angry at the morning.

I quietly exit the room and walk down the stairs. I should quickly take water from the communal fountain and return to Louise's room.

The trip was uneventful, and now here I am, already back in Louise's room, a bucket of water in hand. I then quickly walked to her wardrobe and took out one of her uniform sets and a pair of panties. Somehow, taking a pair of panties, even without perverted motives, seem morally repugnant. I don't really have a choice, though.

After doing my errands, I go back to sleep.

* * *

><p>"Stupid familiar, I told him to wake me up… and yet he is still asleep while his master has already woken up!" I say, annoyed. Saito must be the most troublesome familiar there is… constantly insulting and disobeying me, his master.<p>

I decide to wake him up… but I need to decide how. Obviously, I won't lower myself to shake him and wake him up. I can't use the water in this bucket… considering that I need to use the water to wash my face. However, my calculations as to how I should wake him up prove to be irrelevant, as he quickly wakes up a few minutes after I did.

"Good morning, Louise," he greets me.

"Address me as master, familiar!" I say to him.

"Then address me as Saito, master," he replies. "After all, it just seems fair that we both use terms that we agree on, right?"

"Or alternatively, I can withhold your breakfast," I tell him menacingly.

"Fine…" he replies while sighing.

"Oh, and since you did not wake me up… no breakfast for today," I say, knowing well that I have probably angered him by withholding his breakfast nonetheless.

"You did not order me to wake you up. You ordered me to prepare some water and your clothes at the morning, but you did not order me to wake you up," he politely reminds me.

"Oh, you're right. No breakfast for talking back against your master, then," I answer him while smirking. I don't intend to let him eat breakfast today, mostly as punishment for injuring my pride last night.

"You're a sore loser, aren't you? Just because you lost the bet yesterday…"

"Should I also withhold your lunch?"

Standing up, he rests his chin on his right hand, as if thinking of what to do. Is he trying to figure out how to get back at me?

Suddenly, he looks at me and smiles. Somehow, the smile seems very sincere, yet his eyes radiate a predatory gleam.

"You know what master… I think I would like to invoke the bet today. I'm thinking, maybe parading around the academy while you're on all fours, naked and put on a leash will do. Oh, and I'll be holding the leash while whipping you, of course," he nonchalantly says to me. How could he suggest something so sadistic while smiling so sincerely like that?

"You can't be serious," I say in disbelief.

"I am," he replies.

"You'll pay for this!" I threaten him.

"Louise, are you an idiot? I don't have status or money or any amount of reputation in this world. I don't have anything to lose, so even if you do humiliate me I doubt anyone will care. You, however, do have something to lose, most importantly your pride as a noble. All I need to do is humiliate you once to send your world crashing down. Maybe you would even be disowned by your family?" he explains to me, again nonchalantly. Just what have I gotten myself into?

"How… how dare you!"

"So, here's how it's going to work. As per my familiar duties, I will still dress you up, bring your clothes, do your laundry, attempt to protect you and so forth, provided that you give me proper housing, clothing, food and other basic privileges. Oh, and you're not allowed to attack me in any physical way. Insults are fine, but I prefer wittier ones. Step over the line, master, especially by physically assaulting me, I will invoke the bet, understand?" he explains and warns me.

"Do you think you can control me?" I ask him, my voice wavering.

"No, but I do think I can deter you from picking a fight with me," he answers.

"And what makes you think I will honor the bet under such extreme circumstances?" I ask him back. I need to find a way to get out of this situation.

He pauses and thinks for a while.

"Will you?" he asks me back.

"No. Under such circumstances, I won't," I answer him. Sure, it hurts my pride to break a deal, but a more serious blow to my pride would happen if I don't.

"Is that so? Then I would merely have to find out another way to retaliate," he replies.

I feel indescribable rage filling my mind. How dare this lowly familiar harbor hostile intention to his master! How dare this commoner insolently attempt to take revenge against me, a noble!

I calm myself down.

"No dinner for today too," I say to him coldly. I will not back down.

* * *

><p>Damn, the massive retaliation strategy has failed. Apparently, Louise isn't stupid enough to uphold her end of the bargain to such an extent. It is mostly a failure in my part, I was too optimistic of how things will go and too naïve to believe Louise would be so easily deterred. Obviously, Louise can calculate that the pride lost by not upholding her end of the bargain is more than worth the utility of having a servant. I really need to be more realistic next time.<p>

Since my massive retaliation strategy has failed, I believe I have to resort to brinkmanship. If I retaliate with each of her offences with slightly greater force and intentionally escalate the conflict, I might be able to maneuver the conflict to a point of unacceptable losses, and since Louise has more to lose than I do, she should reach such a point before I do.

"What are you waiting for? Dress me," says Louise, interrupting me from my stream of thoughts.

"What?" I reply to her, unsure and surprised of what I had just heard.

"Dress me, familiar," she says firmly.

"What? Are you unable to dress yourself?" I ask.

"Nobles will not dress themselves if a servant is available," she replies, as if that answers everything.

"Oh, so it's a cultural thing. I really thought that you don't know how to wear clothes," I sarcastically comment. If I can set off a chain of insults, I might be able to make her forget about having me dressing her up.

"I knew it! You really are an idiot!" she replies, pretending to be oblivious to my sarcasm. Her witty retort came as a surprise to me… really, I never expected her to be able to reply my insults without the use of physical force.

"Yes master, I am. Everyone knows that my own intelligence pales in comparison with my master's genius. Especially considering her success rate in magic," I reply back sarcastically.

"Glad you now know your place!" Louise retorts back in mock happiness, voice wavering and looking as if she's going to punch me in the face. If I continue, she probably will. I prepare to get out of her way and make her punch the wall instead.

"That's the best you can do, master? Really, I expected something more… intellectual" I reply teasingly. She clenches both of her fists and looks down, probably thinking of the best way to attack me.

Beyond all my expectations, she sighs.

"Just shut up, will you," she says tiredly.

Naturally, such a diffusive solution surprises me. I always thought her only way of solving problems is through either physical force or (relatively) crude insults. There seems to be much more to her than her violent tsunderish demeanor. I'm not betting on it, though.

"Very well then, shall we go?" I ask her politely.

"After you dress me," she answers. "Did you really think I would forget that I need to be dressed?"

"No master," I lied. That was my original plan, but now I simply have to improvise. I am still going to find a way to get out of dressing her. Looking at the clock, I finally know the optimal solution.

"I simply started that conversation to delay our arrival to breakfast. After all, you do have a class soon," I finally say.

"What! Hurry up and dress me, familiar!" she demands. Commence improvised plan A.

"Are you sure that will be optimal? After all, I never dressed anyone before, and so dressing you up might take an unreasonably long time, to the point that you might miss breakfast. It's not like I'm going to **intentionally** dress you slowly or anything," I reply to her as slowly as possible. I want her to eat every word.

"Muuu… you useless familiar!" she screams at me, while getting up her bed and undressing herself. As an added bonus, she stripped naked in front of me. She might not mind since her pride probably dictates that she feel no shame while undressing in front of a familiar, but I do, and I love it. Too bad I can only see her back and bare buttocks before she quickly puts on her uniform. I might be a genius and evil, but I'm still a teenager, and I still feel my cheeks blushing seeing such a sight.

Saito: 1, Louise: 0.

"Let's go, familiar. If I'm late to class, I will confiscate your food for a week!" Louise shouts.

* * *

><p>Well, since I had nothing to do, having breakfast denied by Louise, I asked permission to roam the grounds. Louse, probably quite sick of me constantly insulting her, permitted me to do so. So, here I am, roaming the academy grounds.<p>

And by 'roaming the academy grounds' I meant, 'going to the kitchen to grab some food'. Louise, despite forbidding me to eat, never passed the command to the staff. I, naturally, will exploit this to the fullest extent.

Finally reaching the kitchen, I enter the double doors and greet its staff. Most of the nobles already left for class, so it shouldn't be a problem to get some food.

"Excuse me," I say politely while mildly bowing. I need to make a good impression otherwise… well; I just don't want to be seen as a jerk.

"I'm Miss Valerie's familiar, and I have been instructed to ask for food from the kitchen. Do you have any food to spare?" I say while showing my runes.

"Aaah, so you're that rumored human familiar," someone says. I take it that this person is the head chef.

"Yes I am. Very pleased to meet you mister…"

"Marteau. I'm the head chef,"

"Pleased to meet you," I say while smiling and extending my hand. He extends his own hand and shakes mine.

"Yes, we do have spare food here," says Marteau. "I think we still have some soup. Siesta!" he calls out to someone.

A maid, answering his call rushes to the kitchen. I take it her name is Siesta.

"Siesta, provide some of the leftover soup for this young man,"

"Yes, head chef," answers Siesta. She quickly rushes towards a large pot, and taking a bowl, pours some soup in it. I immediately take a seat at a nearby chair.

"Here you go," Siesta says to me. I smile at her in return.

"Thank you, Siesta. My name is Saito, pleased to meet you," I say to her.

"It's nice to meet you too," she says to me sweetly. I don't know whether or not her smile and sweetness is an affront or sincere.

"Itadakimasu," I say. Even in another world, I still retain Japanese customs.

"What?" says Siesta, confused.

"Nothing, just a custom from where I came from before I was practically kidnapped and bound to servant hood or slavery, depending on how you see it," I answer her.

"Is that so? What does it mean?"

"It literally means 'I humbly receive' although its usage is more like 'bon appétit'," I answer her.

"Wow… what is your homeland like?"

"Well, instead of magic, we have advanced technology…

The conversation took its own form soon enough.

* * *

><p>Notes:<p>

- The technologies used in Saito's laptop are actual technologies that are being developed.

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	4. Chapter 4: Diplomatic Diffusion

I do not own Zero no Tsukaima.

Action ended chapter, but mostly no action.

Review Please!

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: Diplomatic Diffusion<p>

"What the hell was that?" I ask, startled at the sound of a sudden explosion and nearly choking on my soup. This is my fourth bowl of soup now.

"Aaah! That must be one of Miss Louise's explosive failures!" answers Siesta.

"You're kidding, right? How come her failures are so… destructive? Is she really that bad?" I ask her.

"Oh yes. There wasn't a single time where Louise's magic worked, and every time she tried an explosion occurs," she answers me back.

I run a calculation of whether or not I should tease her for this or instead console her. The choice is between a short term gain of having fun in her expense but with a long term cost of having her hate me even more, or a long term gain of building trust and friendship but with a short term cost of boredom and a missed chance to tease her. I have to choose between a short term investment or a long term investment.

Of course, it doesn't really matter anyways if she hates me more, especially since I have already planned out my brinksmanship strategy to control her. But, on the other hand, if I can slowly diffuse her hatred of me, I might not need to engage in costly social engagements required in brinksmanship. My relationship with her is akin to the US's relationship with the Soviet Union.

I decide to think of it later and finish my soup first. After all, you can't think on a hungry stomach.

"May I have more?" I ask Siesta.

"Sure! We have a lot of spare, anyway. Nobles usually demand that a lot of food is available for show, yet so little of it is eaten. Because of that, there are usually a lot of leftovers," she answers me.

Siesta takes my bowl and pours in some soup.

"How wasteful of them, can't they be more efficient? I mean, this food was grown and made by people… and rather than buy and waste food, thus raising prices and depriving others of the nutrients they need, they ought to just not buy the food and let others purchase it for themselves," I comment. Such wasteful economic activity is unheard of in a capitalistic system, or at least greatly reduced.

"I know, but we can't do anything about it. The nobles must be obeyed, else we suffer the consequences. They have magic, after all, and we can't do anything," replies Siesta, sadly and begrudgingly. Interesting… so magic is tied to nobility and social hierarchy? An even more interesting question is would the commoners rebel against the nobles given that they have the resources they need?

"I take it that nobles aren't extremely popular," I say, trying to pry out answers from Siesta concerning my second question.

"Well, there are different kinds of nobles. Some, I think, deserve their nobility, while others are simply horrible people. The princess of Tristain herself, Henrietta, is believed to be at the commoners' side, or at least not as bad as other monarchs. A lot of commoners are looking forward to the day the princess will become queen and rule Tristain," replies Siesta.

Maybe I can exploit the greed of nobles to fix my financial situation? Who knows, but if I want to do so I would need all the information I can get.

"Horrible nobles?"

"Yes. For example, there is a duchess in…"

* * *

><p>"If it is any consolation at all, that was a huge explosion. I doubt half the students in this school have a means to defend against that," I chide Louise while poking my head through the entrance of the class. I decided to console and make fun of her at the same time. All I have to do is console her in such a way that she still feels better, and I still get to have fun. Of course, it's easier said than done.<p>

"Why must you mock me?" asks Louise while sighing. As of right now she is sitting on top of a table while lazily collecting books within her reach.

"You will never get to tidy up this class in this rate," I say to her, telling the truth. She nods but does not budge.

"I know… it's just that this always happens when I try to cast a spell… any spell," she replies, head tilted down and looking melancholic. I prefer her sadness over her rage… it's really cute.

I finally find out a way to cheer her up. This was a transmutation class, right?

"So Louise, I'm just curious, but how much gold can a square class mage transmute?" I ask her.

"A few grams… probably not more than a kilogram per month, I think. Why do you ask?"

"Well then, think of it this way: The explosion you conjured was enough to liberate approximately 20 kilograms of gold ore, which when processed, would yield approximately 5 kilograms of gold. Therefore, you are five times more useful, at least in gold mining, compared to a square class earth mage," I say to her in a complimentary manner.

Louise giggles with one hand over her mouth. She looks even cuter when cheery than she is while sad. That said, although I do not know her for long, having met her just yesterday, I notice she never smiled… ever. She always puts up a frown, a neutral expression or a faux smile. This is probably the first time I see her smile sincerely… laugh, even.

"You should smile and giggle more often, master. You're cuter that way," I say to her sincerely, showing her my own smile. She looks at me while mildly blushing.

"Is that so?" she asks me for confirmation, disbelieving that I just complimented her looks without biting sarcasm.

"Yes, you really are," I answer her again, sincerity in my voice.

Louise giggles again. "Well, it's really hard for me to be happy when I have such a rebellious, sarcastic, insolent and useless familiar," she says jokingly. This is quite of a nice mood, actually. I decide that I will negotiate an agreement with Louise and diffuse our childish feud.

"Well, about that…"

* * *

><p>"You should smile and giggle more often, master. You're cuter that way," He sincerely says while smiling. Aside from my sister, Cattleya, no one has ever really complimented me before. Not even Wardes, whom I rarely see. Not even my own parents, although I do understand that this is because I have nothing worthy of compliment… especially considering of my success rate in magic. Involuntarily, I blush.<p>

"Is that so?" I ask him for confirmation, disbelieving that he just complimented my looks without biting sarcasm. Seriously, just this morning he was making my life very difficult.

"Yes, you really are," He answers me again, sincerity in his voice.

I giggle again. "Well, it's really hard for me to be happy when I have such a rebellious, sarcastic, insolent and useless familiar," I say jokingly.

"Well, about that, I would like to reach an agreement with you. I can indeed retaliate by damaging your pride for every time you attack me… but then I would be covered with bruises, and you would lose a lot of pride, and so none of us benefits. It's stupid and childish really, and I would like to apologize for my impolite conduct, but I would also like to give a reason for it. I come from another world, and you practically kidnapped me and bound me to slavery. Please understand," he says to me. Wait, he's actually trying to reconcile with me? Seriously!

"I understand. Do not expect me to apologize, though,"

"I know you won't. You cannot be held accountable for summoning me, either. I'm sure you would like to get any other 'cooler' familiar, right? You did not exactly have control of what you will summon,"

I nod my head.

"What I am proposing is that we make life more bearable for each other. Instead of childishly retaliating and fighting, I'm sure we can reach an agreeable compromise. The only alternative is that we both make life miserable for each other; wasting precious time, resources, and energy without any tangible benefit whatsoever regardless of any perceived victory. Since there is no benefit even for the winner if we fight each other, compromise is the most reasonable solution," he explains to me.

"Right, so what do you propose?"

"A simple contractual trading agreement; you will provide me with shelter, food and other assorted commodities required for survival, and I will provide you with whatever services I can provide,"

"'Whatever services I can provide' seems too vague for a contract. Just what can you do, exactly, aside from menial labor?" I ask him.

"I have done my research, master. In this world, servants are entitled to food, shelter, clothing and a little bit of money in exchange for their menial labor. However, since the quality of my menial services would be less than the typical servant, I obviously deserve less. Thus, I will not demand any money and will accept sub-par shelter conditions,"

"I see you have done your research. But you have not answered my question, just what can you do, aside from menial labor?" I ask him again. I suspect he can do much more than just menial labor.

"Well, most of my knowledge would be irrelevant in serving you anyway. Even without my extra services, my postulated trade is still quite reasonable, right?"

"You have the ability to negotiate well," I say to him. "That might be useful in the future,"

"I will provide my additional services when they are needed, master. But really, I do not think they will be required,"

"Fine then, I accept your offer," I say to him.

"But master, how can I accept your word when you always break bets after losing?" he says to me in a teasing voice. I involuntarily blush.

"Just joking, master, but I do expect the bet to somehow be repaid in the future," he reminds me.

"Alright then, it seems you will still be sarcastic and insolent, but at least you are now less rebellious and useless," I say to him. He smiles at me again. Why is he always smiling like that?

"Why are you always smiling like that? Why do you never seem to frown or panic? Why do you seem so… up? From the time I summoned you, you either have a small smile plastered on your face or a more conscious smile… seriously, why all the smiles?" I ask him.

"If one does not smile and make the most out of life, then there are far too many tragedies in life to weep about," he answers, now showing me a sad smile. "Although I never personally experienced any of them, I did witness them well enough to empathize with the ordeals of others. I prefer not to talk about it, though,"

"Fine. My first command for you, Saito, is to help me clean this mess,"

* * *

><p>"By the way Saito, what if either of us shirks our part of the bargain?" I ask him. I need to know whether or not physically disciplining him is out of question. After all, he is right that having mutual good will is far more preferable than destructively attacking each other without any benefit. Right now, we are about halfway through cleaning up the entire classroom.<p>

"Well, than the other person will withhold their end of the bargain as a retaliatory measure," he answers me. His answer is as usual, reasonable, but that still did not answer what I truly want to have an answer for, though.

"Am I allowed to physically discipline you?" I ask him, to the point.

"Well, if you decide to still keep your end of the bargain and not withhold shelter or food even though I shirk my end of the bargain, then I think physical discipline is an agreeable substitute. With certain limits, of course," he answers me. Again, he gives a reasonable answer. I begin to wander if he is an expert in these sorts of contractual things.

"And what are the limits?"

"The physical discipline should not hinder my ability to serve you. For example, you are not allowed to knock me unconscious, as I can't serve you while unconscious, obviously. You are also not allowed to hurt me too badly, as it would be detrimental to my ability to do physical tasks for you. If you do any of these things, it defeats the purpose of disciplining me by making me unable or less capable of serving you optimally. Another example would be if you whip me to discipline me, as that would actually make it harder for me to serve you by making me clumsier and weaker because of the pain, which would justify further punishment, which would further reduce my ability to serve you, and so forth. As long as the physical punishment does not hinder my ability to do menial tasks for you, it is reasonable," he explains. So, no whipping huh?

"Wait a second; you actually seemed rather dispirited when I mentioned no whipping. Master, are you into, you know, those kinds of things?" he says to me in a teasing tone. Why does he always do this? Of course I'm not into those kinds of things!

"NO! Of course not!" I shout to him. Although, well, I did plan to whip him last night before I knocked him unconscious. But that was for disciplinary reasons! I'm not such a dirty girl!

"I'm just joking, master," he says to me while silently laughing.

"Stop making fun of me!"

"Sorry, I just can't help it. Why don't you make fun of me back? I won't mind,"

"Well, it's just that…" I try to answer.

"You're not smart enough, right?" he interrupts me while smirking.

"Stop doing that!" I shout to him.

He softly laughs.

"So, tell me about yourself, master," he suddenly asks me. How should I answer?

"Well, I'm born in the Valerie household,"

"What was life like? What education did you receive?"

"Well since I'm rather… difficult in using magic, they first gave me magic lessons. When those lessons yielded no results, my parents instead try to find me a future husband while grooming me to be a proper wife,"

"And the education you received in your grooming lessons?"

"Well, I was taught how to manage estates, how to utilize land, how to collect and how much to collect taxes, and so forth. You know, things that have nothing to do with magic," I answer him rather sadly.

"I still don't understand why magic is so important in your society,"

"Of course it is! It is a symbol of nobility!"

"And what are nobles supposed to do?"

"Rule over the commoners for their own good!"

"And magic improves upon management skills and the ability to rule… how?" he asks me. Actually I never thought of that. I promptly stay silent and try to think of an answer.

"Exactly! Proficiency in magic does not guarantee the ability to manage land, or to collect taxes, or to lead! Therefore, your inability to do magic should not in any way reduce your ability to do an excellent job as a noble, am I correct?" he suddenly says to me. Is he trying to boost my confidence?

"Having that said, using magic as a standard for entry of government positions make no sense either, since government positions exist for the use of well... governing, not showing of who's the better mage,"

"I have to disagree with you on that part. The commoners are too stupid to govern themselves, mages therefore have to step in and govern them for their own good," I say to him. Seriously, that's basic logic.

"Correlation causation fallacy, we have already established that magic is not an indicator of good leadership. The question is then are nobles smarter than commoners in terms of governing because they are born as nobles or because they have been educated to be good rulers? Would it be beneficial to educate commoners of how to serve in government positions? After all, aside from magic, there is no base difference between commoners and nobles, right?" answers Saito.

"I'm not sure, really. The aristocracy has been ruling over Halkeginia since the beginnings of civilization here. I do not think it is wise to change it. The aristocracy exists for a reason," I reply back. Obviously, tradition exists for a reason.

"You have just committed another fallacy, but I think I'll drop the discussion here," he says to me. I'm honestly relieved. I do not know if I can continue the discussion.

"Good idea. I'm not exactly the smartest person for these subjects either. My knowledge of governing is rather limited,"

"I thought you were educated how to manage an estate, as part of your homeschooling curriculum of how to be a good wife?"

"Well, I wasn't so good on that either," I begrudgingly admit.

"It's fine. Whatever economics you are taught are all crap anyway,"

"What, really? How do you know?"

"Take an example of the backwards idea that trade deficits are bad, that exports are a sign of economic strength, or in other words; exports good, imports bad,"

"Isn't that obvious? I mean, exporting means you are producing more and are gaining money from overseas," I say. It's common sense… right?

"Let me explain this way, how do exports occur?"

"…" honestly, I don't know the answer to this question. It's probably rhetorical anyway.

"Merchants will sell their products overseas if it is more profitable than selling it domestically. If people are more willing to pay for the merchant's product in foreign markets instead of local markets, what does that tell us of the purchasing power of both markets?"

Another rhetorical question, I assume.

"It tells us that there is more demand of goods in foreign markets instead of local markets. If it is only a specific commodity that is more expensive, then maybe that commodity is just more popular overseas. So, if Tristain has a trade deficit, it means that all products sold in Tristain are more profitable than selling the products at other places. In other words, trade deficits are a sign of economic strength, not economic weakness. A trade surplus occurs if a country's people are too poor to consume the products they themselves produce. A trade deficit occurs if a country's people are too rich for local merchants to satisfy local demands without raising prices, thus inviting foreign merchants to sell their products in the country. There are some exceptions to these rules, primarily relatively bad macroeconomic policies. But otherwise, trade deficits are generally a good thing,"

"Wow, I never thought of it that way. But would that still not mean that a country with a trade deficit is having its money sucked out?" I argue.

"Not at all, because the money in the end returns to the country and wealth itself can be generated non zero-sum. The 'money sucked out' phenomenon is largely an accounting error. Suppose Tristainian merchant exported Tristainian bronze and imported Albion wine. Let's say that a kilogram of bronze is worth 50 ecus in Tristain and 70 ecus in Albion. If he sells the bronze in Albion and buys a cask of wine of the same value, and imports the wine back into Tristain where the price is found to be at 90 ecus, he would have made a profit of 40 ecus. However, according to the accounting administration, Tristain has exported goods in the value of 50 ecus while importing goods in the value of 90 ecus, while in reality if the accounting error is rectified a neutral conclusion is reached, that Tristain sells bronze for 70 and buys wine for 70. The merchant's profit does not come from Albion but from simply trading goods within Tristain. Although in reality, the system is much more complicated with many merchants working together, the final conclusion is pretty much the same. Another way this accounting error occurs is simple ignorance of investment flows. In simple words, any trade deficit that exists in a country is matched by investment coming in to the country- purely by the definition of the balance of payments, any current account deficit that exists is matched by an inflow of foreign investment. Due to these two accounting errors, a successful, growing economy would paradoxically result in greater trade deficits, and an unsuccessful, shrinking economy would result in lower trade deficits," he explains to me.

It's a lot to take in… too much to take in immediately.

"It takes a while to process. Don't worry about it,"

"I thought you said your knowledge would be irrelevant?"

"It is. I can't see how knowledge in finance and economics is going to help you in any way, master. You're already a member of a rich, prestigious family,"

"Just how much more do you know?" I ask him.

"About economics and finance? Nearly everything there is to know about them," he answers. "But enough about that, we need to finish cleaning up the classroom soon, otherwise we'll miss lunch,"

* * *

><p>"First of all, I commend you for coming here instead of running away!" Guiche, the blond haired moron remarks in a sing-song voice, as he twirls his rose.<p>

Seriously, how did I end up in this mess?

Oh wait, I know the answer to that. I took some sort of perfume that fell from his pocket and gave it back to him, knowing fully about what will happen. Just as I planned, Katie, the girl he cheated with, found out about Montmorency, his actual girlfriend. The results were hilarious. I never knew the female arm was capable of generating that much force. The wrath of woman scorned is dangerous indeed.

Then he challenged me to a duel. I declined, citing that the girls' pride weren't hurt as much as his cheeks were, and that it was his pride that took a hit, not the girls'. I tried being reasonable. I really did. But then, well, I failed at being reasonable.

He called Louise a zero. For some reason or another, I just can't stand that. He called her a zero because I declined the duel, and called my 'cowardice' a symbol of Louise's hopelessness.

I am a firm believer of Machiavelli's principles. One of them is that when an enemy declares war on your ally, you don't just stand there and declare 'neutral'. You fucking destroy said enemy, or otherwise you'll be seen as unreliable. And although most of my experiences with Louise are largely negative we reconciled and became friends… well, sort of friends, this afternoon. Guiche has effectively declared war on Louise, and the boiling emotions I felt weren't helping either. I suddenly accepted Guiche's offer to duel.

Why did I feel those emotions? It's simply unnatural for someone as carefree as I am.

A punch to the gut pulled me away from my thoughts.

"Saito!" shrieks Louise while running towards me. "That's quite enough! And besides, dueling is strictly forbidden!"

"Only dueling between nobles is forbidden. Nobody has forbidden duels between commoners and nobles." replies Guiche.

Louise is at a momentary loss for words.

"Th-that's because nothing like this has ever happened before..."

"Louise, do you like this commoner?"

Louise's face burned an angry scarlet.

"No! Don't be ridiculous! It's just that I won't put up with having my familiar beaten up before my eyes!"

"...Wh-who's being beaten up? I'm just fine."

"Saito!"

Seeing me up again, Louise practically screamed out my name. Louise is trembling.

"You understand now, right? A commoner can never beat a mage!" she says to me, trying to convince me to surrender and apologize.

"...I was a little careless, that's all. I'm all right, so step back."

Why did I just decline a peaceful resolution? Seriously, why did I just do that?

No matter, what only matter now is-

Another punch to the gut connects to me. Damn, it hurts!

I stand back up again. Why do I keep standing up?

A kick to my chest connects.

I roll for a while, and then get up. I'm bleeding quite profusely, now. I should focus on the fight instead of thinking why I'm-

A fist to my head connects. I'm amazed I'm not dead yet at this point.

I'm quite fed up at being a punching bag now. Standing up and seeing the golem in front of me, I draw my Five-Seven. The bronze golem attempts to punch me again.

I duck, dodging the punch. Wait what?

The golem tries to kick me with its knee. I dodge by dashing backwards. How did I just do that?

This time, Guiche commands the golem to use its sword. It charges me with the sword. I still have my gun in hand, but at this distance I cannot aim and shoot fast enough. I probably could not do anything.

I disarm the Golem with some kind of Sambo move. My mom likes to take me to her gym to demonstrate some Sambo moves and try to convince me to join. I never took any practice myself. Yet, the golem's movement just seems to be so slow, as slow as a snail, to allow even the worst of amateurs like me to recite the Sambo moves from memory. Seriously, I grabbed the arm attempting to stab me with a sword, somehow disarm it via kicks and slams, and take the sword for myself.

Everything seems so slow since I grabbed my gun.

Wait, that's it!

My runes must have somehow given me the ability to see everything in super slow motion while I'm holding a weapon! I'm probably not slowing time as much as I am just thinking really fast!

This is amazing!

I hold the sword in my right hand while passing my gun to the left. Somehow, this gun and sword configuration just feels so damn awesome. I feel like a Papal Guard form Assassin's Creed!

The golem I just disarmed rises. I swiftly cut its torso with a one-handed swing. Super strength, check.

Guiche then summons six more golems, armed with different weapons, all of them charging at me. They all come at super slow motion. I rush forward and cut two at once. Super speed, check.

Coming up to the third golem, I do an overhead slash as a feint, than when the golem puts its guard high, I duck in and slash its torso. Super technique, check.

I dash backwards to make some distance, for no other reason but to look damn awesome.

Guiche summons five more golems. It seems eight is his absolute limit.

I aim my gun and fire. Somehow, I could now fire with my left hand.

The bullet hits Guiche's wand, breaks it in two, and all the golems disintegrate.

Screw the Papal Guard! I'll be as good a James Bond if this keeps up! Hell, I think I could take on an entire Spetnaz detachment if I have the proper equipment!

"I yield!" Guiche suddenly says. Are you fucking kidding me?

I dash forward and traverse the distance between us in less than a second. Then, since both of my hands are occupied (and I don't really want to kill him just yet), I kick him straight onto his chest. Somehow, even though it was, at least I think it was, a light kick, I feel like I have cracked a few ribs. That was very satisfying.

Keeping my Five Seven back into my blue parka's inner pocket and dropping the sword, the runes' effects suddenly fades. All the pain from my damage slams my pain receptors. The thought that I have just knocked Guiche unconscious still makes me rather euphoric, drowning the pain somewhat.

I turn to Louise, who just stares at me, dumbfounded.

"See… everything is under control," I say to her.

I faint from exhaustion… or loss of blood. I'm not a doctor, and since I'm losing consciousness really fast, I can't actually find out why. Well, it does not matter, though.

I won. Somehow, this physically weak body of mine won.

Hell yeah for the runes!

* * *

><p>Notes:<p>

-The trade deficit stuff is actually agreed by most economists, and is supported by empirical proof as well. Look at this (.org/wikipedia/commons/8/80/US_Trade_Balance_1980_) graph. Notice that the US trade deficit actually decreases during the 2008 recession? Strong economies usually have a large trade deficit which continues to increase as long as the economy continues to strengthen relative to the world. A recession, or something like it, is very likely to decrease a trade deficit. Note that at the end of the graph, the US trade deficit is once again increasing, indicating an economic recovery.

-Saito's mom is an ex-GRU agent. She was a soviet scientist before being recruited by GRU in order to spy on Japan's robotics research facilities, her physics degree allowing her to disguise as a scientist. She defected soon after.

Review Please!


	5. Chapter 5: Manipulations and Occupations

Argh! Sorry guys, I sorta forgot about this fanfic. Really, I'm sorry.

Well, new chapter here. No action at all, and slightly out of character Louise. The Fouquet arc is next chapter.

I do not own Zero no Tsukaima.

Review Please!

* * *

><p>My eyes flutter open.<p>

"Ouch," I gasp in pain. Every muscle I have seems to be aching in pain. Just what happened?

Oh yeah, the fight with Guiche. I need to evaluate my performance. Frankly, it was horrible. I could have drawn my gun earlier, the runes' existence regardless. Instead, I spent time getting beaten by Guiche's golems, thinking how I could have avoided the fight, instead of focusing on the fight and winning. I deserved every single hit I got from Guiche's golems. I was pathetic. I attribute such a pathetic performance to my lack of skill and experience in fieldwork, as well as the excessive time I spent behind a desk.

I need to evaluate my skill set too. It seems that I need to expand the various types of skills that I have. My current skill set is: Finance, Economics, Business, Cognitive Psychology, Social Psychology and cooking. Great, apparently my two first skills are nearly useless, given the medieval nature of this world. Half of my third skill is useless too, given that this world lacks the infrastructure I need to use it to full effect. My fourth and fifth skill would be useful in manipulating people, something I would need in order to avoid future battles. My sixth skill… well, I do not see how cooking is useful.

Damn it, if only I listened to my mom. Seriously, she could have taught me Sambo and the use of multiple weapons, as well as other survival-esque skills I need right now. Instead, I learnt and got stuck with skills I could not use to their fullest effects. I would need to quickly expand my skill set to include skills that I can use to beat up mages.

"You're awake," a voice says to me. "After three days of sleep, you're awake."

I pull myself from my thoughts and turn to look at the source of the voice. It was Louise's. I see her eyes tired with black circles below them. Has she been taking care of me while I'm unconscious?

"Way to go, captain obvious," I remark.

"I take it that you're fine and fully healed,"

"No, not fully healed. But thanks for taking care of me, master. Perhaps I should get out of your bed and let you sleep? Your eyes look excessively tired," I say.

"You said you aren't fully healed yet,"

"But I can stand, and walk, probably,"

I sit up on the bed. Louise walks and sits next to me.

"You should have obeyed me when I told you to apologize,"

"I was about to, before Guiche insulted you,"

"Awww, do you care about your master that much? Well, you do have such a beautiful and accomplished master," Louise teases. I smile at her in return.

"Think of it this way, master; if you had the power to do so, would you attack Guiche when he had insulted you and your family name?" I ask Louise.

"Yes, and I would use him to make an example," answers Louise.

"And since I am your familiar, aren't I an extension of your own power? Therefore, when I accepted that duel with Guiche, you were merely using your own power to make an example of Guiche, just like if you had power to do so yourself," I tell her, impeccable logic at my side.

"So you do care about me!" Louise exclaims, continuing her teasing. How childish… but I suppose I can indulge her.

"And what about you? Taking care of your familiar to the extent of surrendering your own bed," I tease her back. She looks away from me as response. How cute of her.

"So, I reckon the feelings are mutual?" I ask her.

"It might be so," she answers.

"Oh, and by the way, you are beautiful, master," I say to her honestly. She blushes in response.

"Although as for 'accomplished'… if you mean at making huge explosions, that is correct," I continue. I just can't help but take a potshot at her.

"Can't you just compliment me without linking it to an insult?" she asks me, grumbling.

"I can, but I won't."

"Well then I'm sorry making explosions is the only thing I can do with my magic!" Louise half-shouts at me grumpily.

"Don't worry. As your increase in skill and magical capacity increases the size of your explosions, the Vaarsuvius Algorithm states that you would be able to solve any social problem without difficulty, mainly by threatening to blow everything up,"

"The Vaarsuvius what?"

"The Vaarsuvius algorithm. As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero. Or, alternatively, the size of an explosion has a quadratic relationship with its deterrence factor," I clarify. Math is one of my favorite subjects.

"What is an algorithm?" she asks me.

"Never mind," I answer her, sighing. "I take it they don't teach math beyond fractions and decimals in this school?"

"This is a magic academy. Lessons like math are usually taught by tutors hired by noble parents,"

"I see,"

We stay silent for a while. I decide to break the silence.

"You know what, Louise? I learnt three lessons by fighting Guiche,"

"And what are those? Listen to your master always?"

"No, the first is that about ninety eight percent of whatever I have learnt before is utterly useless in this world, meaning I have to start a completely new skill set if I intend to survive in this barbaric world,"

"Hey! Tristain is not barbaric!"

"Second, is that people in this world, especially nobles, aren't reasonable, and that talking myself out of conflicted situations will mostly fail if I am to try. Confrontations are mainly unavoidable in this world,"

"Don't insult the nobility, familiar!"

"And third, the corollary of both the first and the second lesson is that I have to stop being a damn wimp and start fighting my battles myself. I used to have minions to take care of problems that required violence, but I do not have such a luxury in this world. Unfortunately for me, I have to start training myself to be physically fit and learn how to be capable of murdering whoever my enemies will be. Physical work isn't exactly my forte," I conclude.

"Good. When you're strong enough to beat mages, you should be strong enough to do some laundry. In fact, said laundry has been piling up," says Louise while pointing to her dirty clothes. She seems rather angry to me for some reason.

"Couldn't you ask one of the servants to clean them for you?"

"A familiar who would insult Tristain, the cultural capital of Halkeginia and slander the nobility should do some laundry to teach him to appreciate our culture, don't you agree, familiar?"

"That does not make any sense," I object. Seriously, what the heck is that?

"Well, I have to go to class now. I suggest you start doing your laundry while I'm away,"

"But I'm still injured," I whine.

My pleas fell on deaf ears.

* * *

><p>"I might be too hard on him… after all; he just recovered from his injuries," I say. Sure, he had insulted my country and the nobility… but he's from another world, and I doubt that he knows he's offending me.<p>

Although it's also very possible that he knows he's offending me, but doesn't care either way.

"Hey Louise! Has your familiar awoken yet?"

It's her.

"If not, it's a shame, really. I would really love to meet him."

Kirche.

Oh no you don't!

"Stay away from my familiar, Kirche," I growl. I am not going to lose my familiar to this Zerbst slut!

"Why should I, Valerie?" Kirche replies while smirking.

"He's MY familiar, and I DO have say of WHO he associates with, and it's definitely not YOU," I reply to her sternly.

"Afraid of losing him? Figures, you are a charmless brat after all," who is she calling charmless? Well… I do lack… never mind.

"Shut up, Zerbst. He is NOT going to associate himself with YOU," I say with finality.

"Louise, Louise… He's human, you know. He has free will, and he can choose for himself, familiar or not,"

Yes, I do realize he has free will, but at the same time, he is bound by contract to obey me, right?

Does the contract include anything about associations?

Well… now that I think about it… not at all. The contract only includes an exchange of housing and food for manual services. However, as the contract stipulates, even if he does associate himself with Kirche, he must still serve me. On the other hand, he can withhold his services, and my retaliation of withholding shelter and food would be ineffective if he can go to Kirche for shelter and food. Wait, a second, the contract at first glance does seem fair, but in reality it greatly restricts my options while expanding his own.

Then I would simply need to secure his loyalty. Maybe a gift is in order.

* * *

><p>It's fortunate that I have experience doing laundry before. My mom insists that I have to take care of my own laundry, so I can either do my own laundry or have a drycleaner do it for me. The first and last time I went to the drycleaner to get my cleaned clothes, I found out that one of the shirts was laced with high explosives. My clothes promptly exploded, and although I survived that laughable assassination attempt, it left me without spare clothes for an entire week. I had to shop for an entirely new set of clothes, and worst of all my favorite clothes were destroyed in the explosions. Since that day, I resolved to do all my laundry myself. Having that said, doing laundry is easy and fast for me.<p>

I finish cleaning the last article of clothing soon enough. Done with all the laundry, I hang the clothes at the dry house, a wooden shack outside the main building. Siesta was kind enough to show me this place, although do to being busy she is unable to help me in doing Louise's laundry.

I walk to the courtyard, my backpack and laptop with me. As of right now, I have some free time. Louise is still in class, and so I can spend my time planning my next move. I still have to get enough funds.

Unfortunately, my current brainstorming efforts yield no results. Figures, I have never been in this kind of situation before. This is the kind of situation that can only be solved in a high risk, low reward manner.

Selecting a spot at the grass to sit down on, I open my backpack. I intend to find something useful, even though my chances are slim. Rummaging inside, I find the copy of the report I promised to give my mom. I would have cried, if I did not realize something else about the report that shocked me to my very soul.

Reading the title of the report, I say out loud, "Proof of the Existence Alternate Universes and Methods of Reaching Them,"

My mom is a genius at physics. Amongst other things, she designed an alternative rocket to Sergey Korolyov's, the chief rocket designer at that time. My mom's design was a full fifty percent more efficient, and it would have upstaged Korolyov's, if she weren't mysteriously transferred to GRU a few days after the design was submitted. If I had given this report to my mom, she might put two and two together. No, she **will** put two and two together. She's my mom, and if my intelligence is any indication, she's too smart to miss such a possibility, **if** I had given her the report. She would devise a clever plan to reach me, **if** she knew I'm in an alternate universe.

Now I might not be able to return home and meet my mom again.

Because without the report, she will retain skepticism of the existence of alternate universes.

The reason she doesn't have the report is because I procrastinated giving it to her.

I might not return to Earth because I procrastinated.

What the hell have I done?

* * *

><p>What should I give my familiar?<p>

Well… I don't know, what do boys like? I never gave a boy a present before... I never bothered to. Complicating matters is the fact that Saito's from another world. I mean, what kind of present would he like? I don't know anything about him.

I don't know anything about my own familiar.

Maybe I should talk to him about it. After all, what kind of master knows nothing of her familiar? Besides, I might find out how to secure his loyalty by knowing what he likes.

I still need to finish my classes though. It's the start of lunch, but he is nowhere to be seen. I just hope Kirche will not make a move on him before I can secure his loyalty. Usually familiars are faithful to their masters without question, but since Saito is human, he is likely to be an exception.

What a troublesome familiar. Why can't I get something more obedient and less… human? On the other hand, he is very intelligent, and strong, if beating Guiche is any evidence. Although he did admit to being weak and inexperienced in fights… but he successfully beat Guiche nonetheless. He must be really talented in fights, then!

There's no way I'm going to let Kirche steal my smart and talented familiar. I cannot let that Zerbst steal anything from me, a Valerie! I will not be a zero anymore!

Ah, there he is! What is he doing sitting at Vestri court? No matter, I need to find out about what he likes and inform him that I am going to buy him something tomorrow, at void day. This shouldn't be so hard.

"Hey Saito!" I see Kirche shout to my familiar. This is bad. This is really bad. My entire plan could be ruined with this.

I plan on interrupting them, but before I could Kirche left after whispering something beside Saito's ear. I will need to ask him what that is all about later on.

Right now, I just need to finish my lunch. I cannot talk with him now, lest I unintentionally reveal my motivations. I doubt he will take any gifts with ulterior motives kindly. He's smart, so I have to veil my intentions. I must seem sincere and kind.

Well, at least I could bring him some food, though. I don't think he had eaten anything since he woke up, so he must be really hungry right now. This will also curry some good will in him for me, making him more susceptible to my attempts of securing his loyalty. I have nothing to lose but a little bit of pride. Well, I doubt anyone is going to pay attention to me slipping some food for him anyway. I'm not exactly a spotlight student.

I find this game played by Louise and Kirche rather interesting. Both of them are rather childish planners, but this game of diplomacy they are playing is very amusing nonetheless. Kirche herself prefers a more direct approach, inviting me to her room for this night. I respectfully declined, of course, but why should I let Louise know that?

I'm an ass. And I'm proud of it.

And here comes one of Louise's attempts to secure my loyalty from Kirche. Let's see what she can do.

"Familiar, I noticed you have had nothing to eat since morning, so I brought you some food," Louise says with what amateurs might mistake as affection. Louise, I believe, has the edge when it comes to the finer forms of subtle manipulations, having no… assets… to divert scorn directed at her. No doubt her experience at diffusing class-wide jeering via escalation helps. Louise might not know this, but she is unconsciously developing very dangerous skills. Kirche, on the other hand, has a killer body that she can use to manipulate others, making the finer forms of subtle manipulations impractical for her. Unfortunately for Kirche, and fortunately for Louise, I am not easily swayed by big… squishy… gorgeous… boobs… wait, where was I? Oh right, I'm not easily swayed by Kirche's adult body. Sure, like all guys, I have a certain weakness to beautiful girls, but due to the number of beautiful girls who got close to me for the sole purpose of assassinating me, I'm rather skeptical of any girl who tries to warm up to me. I'm sure proper skepticism in the face of beauty is in the evil overlord list somewhere. That said, Louise is quite a looker herself, although admittedly despite her cute face her body is rather… lacking.

If Kirche's objective is to seduce me from Louise, than I have to assume that Louise's objective is to secure my loyalty. From the little that I could observe from her interactions with her classmates, what Louise lacks in magical capability and housewife skills she makes up with manipulative capability. Being bullied can force you develop a lot of unconventional intellectual skills. Once, when a certain impulsive boy continuously harassed her by insulting her, she quickly rebutted, quoting the peach haired girl in question, that "this is no way to treat a lady," diffusing the situation without escalating the stakes and winning in the process. Another time, when another boy harassed her, she simply walked towards the direction of the boy's girlfriend. Louise's lack of magical skill notwithstanding, no guy wants to look like a jerk to his girlfriend. According to my observations, Louise shows none of these manipulative attributes when dealing with members of her own sex. I attribute this discrepancy in performance to her inferiority complex in both lack of magical talent and lack of womanly assets, clouding her mind from better judgment.

"Thank you, gracious master," I answer Louise.

I think I'll play along in this game. I need to distract myself from my own stupidity anyway. The performances of two amateur manipulators should be interesting. Louise herself holds a lot of potential. I find myself hoping that she will never gain any magical skill so that she will further develop her manipulative capabilities. Rather treacherous for me, but hey, I'm an evil mastermind.

* * *

><p>This is certainly surprising. I never knew reptilian brains could interpret advanced commands. Especially commands such as "Kidnap someone by dragging them". Are familiars supposed to be smarter than normal animals? Do familiar runes increase intelligence somehow? Well, maybe I can run a few tests and find out. If I am not mistaken, I usually beat an expert chess computer opponent in an average of 89 moves, my best game so far being 37 moves. If I play chess at my laptop and see a measurable improvement, I can conclude that the familiar runes indeed do increase intelligence.<p>

Well, that will have to wait until after I find out what Kirche wants with me. Kidnapping maneuvers are generally uncharacteristic of seductresses like Kirche. Of course, there might be more to her than meets the eye. People can't be simplified, and as such I do not believe Kirche is simply a slut.

A knocking sound pulls me away from my thoughts. As of right now, I'm in front of Kirche's room. Apparently, she doesn't take no for an answer. To be honest, though, I was expecting this. Not the kidnapping, but I was expecting her to at least attempt to contact me this night. I myself prefer something more subtle rather than outright kidnapping, but those are only my opinions and tastes. Kidnapping has its own pros and cons.

The door is open, and rather than being unceremoniously dragged in by a salamander, I'd rather walk in myself. I do just that.

The room is pitch black, save for the Salamander's mild glow. His name is flame, I think.

"Close the door," Kirche's voice commands from the darkness. Curious as to how this will play out, I oblige. Or rather, I'm more curious of Louise's planning. I told her that Kirche invited me to her room for the night. Although I did say no to her invitation, I did not tell Louise that. Well, Louise, talent for manipulating notwithstanding, is still an armature. I doubt she can do anything more than barge into this room and drag me out, given the time and resources that she has. Still, I hope she can surprise me.

"Welcome to my room, Saito," Kirche coos.

"It's quite dark in here," I reply coolly.

I hear a snapping of fingers. Starting from the one nearest to me, lamps begin to light up. Following that, an array of scented candles burst aflame. I have to admit, Kirche's presentation is very impressive, although I prefer something less direct than this.

Doused in a mild glow, Kirche sits on her bed, a look of worry on her face. She's wearing lingerie. Skimpy lingerie. Sexy, skimpy lingerie. Sexy, skimpy lingerie that shows her breasts.

I finally take my eyes out of my trance. Seriously, with the damning amount of big breasted girls who tried to assassinate me, I expected myself to be rather phobic of big breasts right now. But, no, apparently human evolutionary instincts override all previous supposedly traumatic experiences.

"Don't just stand there, come to me," Kirche coos. And let you assassinate me? Well, I know you're not trying to assassinate me… but then again, that's what I thought of all those previous sexy assassins.

"Kirche, I declined your invitation," I say to her.

"It does not matter. I know you told Louise about my invitation. I also know that you did not tell Louise whether or not you accept. Louise, noticing your absence, will immediately assume that you accepted," Kirche answers coolly.

"And thus, whether or not I accept or decline is irrelevant, because you only need Louise to dislike me in order to take me for yourself. Or so you think. Why do you expect me to fall for you that easily? I can live on my own with the academy staff, you know," I reply to her. She is devious, but not devious enough.

"I know. That is why I'm trying to seduce you right now. If what it takes is only to keep you away from Louise for a few hours, than I wouldn't bother with such preparation," replies Kirche.

"I'm impressed," I say while sitting down beside her on her bed. I'll play along for now. Under the dim light, Kirche's brown skin looks enticing. Not enticing enough for me to disregard my previous experiences with beautiful female assassins, though. Well, that aside, how on earth do you have red hair and brown skin at the same time? You need low melanin content for red hair and high melanin content for brown hair. Her existence is a genetic impossibility, although I suppose I can disregard that for now and think about it later.

Kirche makes a long sighs and shakes her head worryingly.

"You must think of me as a lowly, despicable woman, or at least have a very low opinion of me," she says. On the contrary, actually, your manipulations, although too blunt for my tastes, would have long manipulated any man of lesser caliber.

"And why would I? I barely know you, Kirche," I answer her.

"I reckon you have never heard rumors about me?" she asks.

"I did, but those rumors are spread by people who have a large incentive to make you look as bad as possible. Namely, less charming girls who want boys to stay away from you in order to give them a chance at getting a date, and boys who want you for themselves and discourage other boys in order to minimize competition. They certainly have something to gain by spreading and exaggerating said rumors, and thus those rumors cannot be trusted," I answer her while explaining my reasoning.

"If anything, I would like to take time to know who you truly are," I add.

"Really?" asks Kirche, surprised.

"Yes. For example, why, despite trying to look like the contrary, are you actually annoyed by the male entrouge that follows you? Your eyes gave it away,"

Kirche stays silent.

"I also find it rather odd at how you enjoy teasing others, especially Louise, about their looks and gloating about your own beauty, yet you don't actually enjoy the company of the prodigious amount of boyfriends you stole and innocent hearts you capture. If anything, you seem to derive more pleasure at mocking others with your looks than you are conversing with guys,"

Kirche still stays silent, but shows a sincere smile. I think I'm on to something here.

"Your fanboys aren't really important to you, are they? I think I know why you are indeed so flirtatious. You're not actually lustful. Your flirtatiousness is merely an act of defiance and rebellion against uptight Tristaninan traditions and norms, right?"

"You are correct. How do you know?" Kirche responds. Finally.

"Anyone could deduce that much if they weren't too busy staring at your breasts," I tease her. She giggles in response. "Besides, I don't believe anyone can be so one dimensional. People are unique, they cannot be stereotyped."

"And you aren't staring?" she teases me back. I blush a little.

"I'm smarter than most people. Hell, I bet I'm smarter than anyone in this academy. I can still think relatively clearly despite your… assets," I answer her. I can't really tell her of my distrust of big breasted girls. That's just rude, and kidnapping aside, she has been polite to me thus far.

"Thank you," says Kirche. Thank me for what, exactly?

"Of what?" I ask, voicing my confusion.

"Of this talk," she answers.

"Don't you have your blue-haired friend to have deep talks with?" I ask her.

"You mean Tabitha. She doesn't talk a lot," she answers me.

"I see," I answer her. This is turning out to be a very pleasant conversation.

Kirche kisses me on the cheek. There was no lust in it, just friendly jest. Even knowing this, I involuntarily blush.

"That was for not judging me without bothering to know me," she says.

"Thanks… I guess," I reply.

"Well, what is there anything else to talk about?" I ask her.

"Yes, there is. Let's get to know each other," she answers. Good, no sudden passionate lip kisses or invitations to bed, just a normal conversation. That means I was right in my psychoanalyses.

Unfortunately, our conversation will not continue this night. Someone barged into Kirche's room.

* * *

><p>"Kirche! What is the meaning of this? I thought we will spend the night together! I waited for you but you never came to the dining hall…" says this new intruder. Not even bothering to knock. How rude of him. I seriously consider shooting him here and now, but then the sound of gunfire would rudely disturb the neighbors in this boarding house. I can't do that, I need to be polite and not disturb the neighbors.<p>

"Styx? What do you mean?"

"This letter you wrote to me states that we will be spending one hour together starting from an hour ago at seven!" this rude boy called Styx says while showing off the letter. Although subtle, Louise, just like any other person has a distinct handwriting. Hers has a unique slight slant backwards with very closely knit letters. I immediately notice the letter has Louise's handwriting.

"Kirche, my love, why did you not come?" another suddenly enters the room. Again, I notice the letter has Louise's handwriting. This time, the boy states that he's supposed to meet Kirche at eight. The first boy was shocked that Kirche would be off to see another boy after seeing him. Judging by Kirche's confused look, she has no idea what is going on.

Another boy enters. His appointment with Kirche was supposed to happen at nine. Then another enters, who was supposed to meet Kitche at ten. The last boy enters, supposed to meet Kirche at eleven. Naturally, they were all surprised at each other's letters.

Very devious, Louise. Very devious.

All the boys stare at me with contempt. At this rate, their bickering with each other will cause Kirche to kick them all out. If they are all kicked out, doubtless they will begin to harbor malice against me. With the resources, or rather, lack of resources I have right now, I cannot afford to make a single permanent enemy. I already probably made one, Guiche. I definitely cannot make five more. I would think of a more suitable plan, but the time limit of Kirche's patience is waning.

This was all without doubt by design. The way the invitations were all consecutive, the way the costs and risks were analyzed, the way Kirche's limit of patience is used as a time limit. This will further spawn rumors to degrade Kirche and force me to do the only reasonable action.

There is only one reasonable solution right now, given the costs and benefits of staying.

Leave.

And I do just that. I leave Kirche's room.

Too bad. We were having a decent conversation. Oh well, maybe next time. Now I have to confront and compliment Louise for her use of subtlety.

Exiting Kirche's room, I begin wondering how this is done. Louise herself cannot deliver the letters because of its risks. It would be too risky to have only one servant deliver all the letters, so she must have had several servants deliver the letter. Each servant would understand the risks of getting caught. Each servant could decline out of the reasoning that her orders of secrecy could contradict with another noble's order of revealing secrets. Each servant knew the consequences that entails by delivering fake letters to nobles. Nothing pretty. Louise would have needed to convince all of the servants involved to cooperate. Interesting. I have to know how this is done.

I REALLY have to know.

* * *

><p>"So, how did you do it?" Saito asks me. He knows! I should have expected this. Oh well. I still won, I suppose.<p>

"Do what?" I ask back innocently. I know I did not deceive him one bit. But I still felt compelled to say that. I don't know why.

"Seriously Louise. How did you do it? I'll tell you how I found out in return," he bargains. Again with the negotiating. Does he always have to negotiate like that?

Although granted, I am a little curious as to how he found out. I suppose I can indulge in his curiosity.

"One of the servants 'likes' likes you. I promised to keep her identity a secret. I did not force her to do anything. I simply told her about your visit to Kirche's room, and gave her letters to give to certain… associates who would be interested in having a relationship with Kirche. She put two and two together, and delivered the letters. I have no idea how the letters were delivered," I answer him.

"How did you find out?" I ask him.

"Handwriting analysis."

"Seriously," I drawl sarcastically.

"Seriously. Your handwriting has a unique slight slant backwards with very closely knit letters. I knew your wrote those the moment I saw the letters."

"Are you joking? you can't pull skills out of nowhere like that! This is ridiculous! Just what kind of person analyzes handwriting anyway? Where did you learn that from? School?" I rant, enraged. This is getting ridiculous. Just when I thought I know the extent of his abilities, he pulls another one out of his ass.

"I did not pull that out of nowhere. I learnt it. My… 'occupation', requires that I learn how to deceive people with handwriting. In my world, written letters delivered through private messengers are nearly impossible to track compared to… alternative, means. My… 'rivals' caught on and hired people who can analyze handwriting, to see if they can confirm I wrote those letters and not anybody else, since I used a pseudonym and they could not confirm my involvement through standard procedures. They managed to intercept some letters, and after confirming I wrote them, managed to… 'devalue', some of my… 'assets'. As a response, I learnt handwriting analyses from a few books and regularly changed the characteristics of my handwriting. Since then, every letter I wrote has different handwriting characteristics," he answers rather vaguely.

"Okay… just **what** **is **your occupation? Who **are** your rivals? And what do you mean by 'devalue some of your assets'?" I ask rather impatiently, losing my control. His answers leave much to be desired.

He laughed.

Did he answer in such a vague-yet-in-the-same-time-detailed manner just so that I'll lose my control?

That's… just so like him.

"Did you just-"

"Yes, I did. I did that on purpose just so that you'll lose control."

I sigh tiredly.

"So… can you clarify your answer?"

He grins at me.

"Information not relevant at the current moment, and given that I have no obligation to share information with you, I will not answer."

Damn him.

* * *

><p>"Stop it."<p>

"Stop what?" I ask Louise, pretending to be innocent. She did not buy it one bit.

"Stop referring to your 'occupation' or 'assets' or whatever!"

"Like when I said your skills in manipulation would be perfect if you had my 'occupation'?" I ask innocently. This is fun.

"Seriously, stop," Louise replies tiredly. "Besides, that was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I'm not good at manipulating people," Louise adds, trying to change the subject and regaining her composure.

"If only you knew what you're capable of, Louise. Seriously, you're can be as good as one of my 'rivals'," I answer back, not relenting in annoying her.

"See! You're doing it again! Stop it!" she nearly shouts, losing her composure yet again.

I laugh. This is fun. Very fun. I like poking her curiosity.

Some people would suspect my teasing as a prerequisite to psychologically manipulating follow ups. Some would see it as a way to make Louise curious and turn her to the side of evil. Others will see it in an even more sinister nature.

It's none of that. I just like seeing my 'master' lose control. It's an evil, petty, and evilly petty desire, but one that brings me endless amusement. Sure, it's rather childish, but then again, I'm not that old yet (I'm in my fifteens), so I might as well enjoy being a bit childish.

"Do you really like seeing me lose my composure?" asks Louise, exhausted.

"Yes. And I won't stop poking your curiosity."

"Then, as your master, I command you to tell me just who you are!" Louise grins triumphantly.

"Why should I?" I ask her.

"It's covered under the 'services' clause of our agreement."

"It's not. The Tristainian definition of 'service' is 'the providing or a provider of accommodation and activities required by the serviced, as maintenance, repair, etc', or, in other words, it does not include divulging my secrets. Well, it's not actually a secret, but I like annoying you," I answer her smugly, "It's from the official royal Tristainian dictionary, by the way."

"What? Seriously? Who even reads the dictionary anyway?" Louise asks me. I assume that is rhetorical, but answering would be much more fun.

"Lawyers, law-makers, merchants, accountants and people with my 'occupation'," I answer, intentionally highlighting the word 'occupation'.

Louise roars in frustration. I laugh.

"In all seriousness, though, Master, you don't want to know what I do… did, for a living. What I did for a living might not sit well with your moral compass. Quite frankly, I don't want our friendship to abruptly end. I rather enjoy your company. If people actually took time judging you outside of their stupid 'magic' criteria, they might find that you are a good friend."

She perked up at that and smiles at me.

Time to add the insult.

"Of course, since you judged yourself as being 'useless' using the 'magic' criteria, they cannot be blamed for their faulty reasoning, anymore than you cannot be blamed for your… less than stellar… reasoning capabilities. I'm not saying you're stupid. Well, I am. But that's not the point," I add, grinning at her face.

She's still smiling, no frustration on her face.

"Thanks. You're a good friend too."

The smile she showed me when she said that melted my heart.

"But you're also annoying, sarcastic, insolent and rebellious. It's nearly pointless to have you as a familiar. I'm not saying you're a jerk. Well, I am. But that's not the point."

I laugh and ruffle her hair. She doesn't seem angry at the gesture. If anything, she took that rather well.

She yawns. Well, it is rather late.

"Good night Master. I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'm going to the library."

"Saito."

"Yes Master?"

"Call me by my name. With the same amount of respect of course, but use my name."

"Louise, I assure you the tone of respect in my voice when I address you is authentically false, and the actual amount of respect I have for you is virtually non-existent. So don't worry about that."

"Good night," Louise replies while slipping into her bed.

I take my backpack and leave the room.

* * *

><p>Notes: The definition of 'service' I used was based from . Their definition is their definition, and I have no intellectual claim to it.<p>

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